Power of the word “No”
In our society and especially in work settings it is tough to come by candor. Rather than saying what you really think more often than not we beat around the bush. And yet we do not do ourselves any favors that way. If you know where you stand on an issue you might as well let the other involved parties know this level of detail. People try to please and that is the key functionality that brings in the monkey wrench: If you do not voice how you really feel, you will continue to get presents that you do not need/ want or at work you will get assignments that you should not or do not want to get.
Take a look at politicians for a moment. Yes, I do know that sadly they often no longer stand for best and consistent behavior. One thing that they have down to a science is that better ones will tell you exactly where they stand on any given important issues. This is greatly compensated for the fact that their message can be mass marketed and that is how you get votes – consistent messaging and saying “no” to really important non-negotiable topics. The unfortunate side effect is severe polarization of the problem and that usually does not help find a common point. Also, this does not necessarily mean that the best idea wins in this setting.
Because saying “no” does not make you feel any better about topic and the rest of the involved people (including your boss) you will need a way how to survive in such situations. Keep focusing on the issue and ask the open ended question “what would happen if nothing changes”. Even if you do not openly voice this and any other questions then you at least you get the kind of clarity you need yourself.
It is important to stay rational and factual during the time that you discuss your issues with anyone. You will lose if anyone reverts to the feeling side and thus the lizard brain. It is responsible for nasty things like road rage and is just as easy to take care of. Voice your concerns candidly and as often as anyone will listen to you. You will end up being happier and less stressed out. The other party will be more on target you get a lot of time and nerves back. It is not only important to say “no” sometimes, but also being patient with others that have not given much thought to thinking. Let me know what you think. Ralfweiser@comcast.net