Ralf Weiser's Blog – Shake Up Your Snow Globe! ©

Stop doing, shake your globe, ponder, dream, start reaching your full potential – live on purpose and do it with a smile!

Candor is the lifeblood of any relationship

As a lifelong peace maker, I have had some interesting challenges over the years to speak my mind and letting others know how I really felt.  Other words describing candor are unreserved, honest, or sincere.  This is easier said then done.  We do not want to hurt the feelings of others and not risk our status either.  Think of how we combine so many cultures here in our country.  You could offend someone so easily when you voice your beliefs.  I venture saying that this has not made it easier to speak open about how you really feel.  Sound familiar?  It comes at a hefty cost though to not speak your mind:  You mess with the predictability of how you are being perceived.  It sets you up for a lot of stress because people will expect to get the same reactions the next time you interact with them.  It feels unnatural and can lead to your burn-out.

It takes courage to openly say what you feel.  There is no doubt about that.  The unfortunate part is that you either pay the piper now or pay so much more later.  No family is safe from this phenomenon.  In fact that is the place where it is probably the worst as far as the long term effects are concerned.  I had distant relatives around whom candor could mutually not be had, period.  It felt so weird though because I thought that even their well wishes and “have a nice day” was not said and meant sincerely.  Once that train leaves the station your interactions stay this icy every time from then on.

Do you live through some of this yourself?  One of two things would happen though if someone would make a start voicing their discontentment or issues.  For one you could potentially no longer speak to each other.  Chances are that this is unlikely to happen.  Most folks would probably be pretty happy about you having made the start and talked about the issue at hand.  Even if the contact would break off, would this really be the worst case scenario?  Probably not as you would finally be able to not feel bad every single minute any more now that you are no longer hanging out.  The other thing that could happen is that the other party would be really glad that you brought it up.  You have the opportunity to resolve the issue and actually be closer to the other folks than ever before.

Give candor a try and I wish you the courage to do so.  Courage should come to you all but automatically when you reflect upon your choice of either continuing the misery of not being yourself around others or living congruent with your inner self.

Ralf

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