Fear of fear – What are you really afraid of?
Being afraid of something can be nothing short of paralyzing. What is it that we are so afraid of? It is the anticipation of some sort of pain and suffering that lets us think twice about moving forward.
All of it comes at a terrible price: Delaying or even not pursuing any action can be even more devastating than the actual pain we are trying to avoid. If for nothing else, your mind will forever be wondering what would have happened had you done something about your fear – living a life in regret is not for the faint-hearted.
What are you really afraid of though? In the list below please find everyday situations and challenges everybody faces from time to time. There are only two moments that are indeed scary: The instant of making the decision of proceeding with your new venue comes first. It is only a moment though – think about it.
The second event is the moment where you start suffering the actual consequences of having made the decision. Here is the kicker: The first period of time may be awkward, but the moment you have “suffered” through the first go around things will turn into a routine.
Routines are the savior here. Repetition of even the scariest tasks eventually ease your mind and guess what, in the end there is nothing to be afraid of.
- Trying out something new. This is always something we are afraid of in one way shape, or form. Deviating from what you are comfortable with takes a little bit of bravery on your part. Much to the point above, once you have done this new thing a few times this situation loses its fear grip on you.
- Career. A job change – either by your own choice, or not – is scary. So much hangs in the balance, especially considering how close we live with our money reaching barely from month to month. There is so much at stake. But, how long can you really stay in your boring, unethical, misaligned job? Starting a new venue will take time and along the way scary moments will come and also go. How long does it take to start feeling comfortable in your new job? From experience this takes no more than a week or two (!).
- Moving. Leaving your friends and family is another one of life’s scary moments that we need to deal with. Putting your old place on the market, meeting new folks, and having strangers run through your home leading up to the sale can be disconcerting. When you finally find your new home you need to get to know your new neighbors, the new route to work etc. Much like the job situation, it takes about a week before you have a new routine established that lets your brain take it easier.
- Relationships. Oh boy, this is a biggie. Your heart rate peaks when you get engaged and married on one end of the spectrum. The polar opposite is when you one day decide to part ways. That is a huge decision you are making there. The day that you have made a decision it will get better though. Comes the day of telling your significant other that you have great changes (good and bad are alike) in stow. Once the big gulp moment is over it will take a few weeks before you slip into a new routine. What once was abnormal becomes your new normalcy that settles in fairly quickly. It does not necessarily mean that anything will be easy, or pleasant.
- Phobias. Getting over phobias is easier said than done. A true phobia is often so deeply rooted that a simple mind exercise I am suggesting here may not work. I am hoping though that at a minimum it should comfort you that the concept of fear is a creation of your brain – your brain. No one and nothing has power over you. Power is granted. Anything we are afraid of is more about what we think we may encounter. While our brains have served us well during the existence of mankind, this is one area where you need to take active control over your thoughts. Get professional help if need be, and yes the irony is not lost on me to having to get the courage together speaking to someone else about something that you are afraid of. Can you afford to not do this though?
- Death. Yes, death. Whoever has been present at the time of someone’s death will know what I mean that one moment there is life and it’s gone the next. The state changes like flicking a light switch. It boggled my mind how this works and how insignificant something so significant happened in front of my own mind. Sure, there is an unbelievable amount of soul and body suffering going on here and there is nothing trivial about it. The point I am trying to make is that some folks live a life in fear over a moment in time that is over so quickly that it seems hardly worth it devoting so much constant heartache and fear to it. Live your life and do not waste it away by asking yourself constantly “what would happen if…”
Feeling any better yet? Do not feel bad if that is not the case, yet. My main point is spending a few thoughts on the concept of training your brain to accept change and that routines that follow it will make you feel better sooner than you think and fear.
Please do not live a life of constant regret or fear of something. No one deserves this much misery.