Waving the white flag – An interesting overview about poisonous and beneficial truces
Gif credit: http://tinyurl.com/njqeotq
How many times a week do you catch yourself not speaking your mind? Instead you are informally calling it a truce. “Not my battle and not worth it” you might say. All the while these can catch up with you. Typically, when this happens multiple truces just happen to collapse upon you resulting in a royal mess.
A poisonous truce unravels when you have allowed it to go on too long and more and more baggage finally gets too much to bear. You violently push back. When that happens, you surprise the people around you.
At the heart of the matter though you have no one but yourself to blame. Why did you not say how you felt about the matter in the first place? When you don’t do that you mislead the others. They believe everything is just fine.
There is a simple single rule about avoiding these kinds of truces: If you can feel it, you can say it. Sure, we usually do not say anything in order to be polite. We want to fit in and not rock the boat, sort of speak. At work we may not want to say it because the working environment is toxic and highly politicized. That is especially the best reason to make a point of drawing a line in the sand.
The alternative is bleak looking in the long run. We are drained of energy, we lose sleep, we are agitated, we have high blood pressure, we have hear burn often, we do not have deep social connections, and we are just not happy campers.
I am with you; candor does not come easy to us. Quite a few folks also take candor as an excuse to be nasty to other people and outright bully them. That is not what I mean here. Think of preparing a present for others here. Your truth wrapped in nice paper and a bow on top. You read this correctly: a present makes both parties better off. If you think about it that way you will almost always improve the conditions in the short and long run.
There is only one beneficial truce. This is the one where both parties stop the nightmarish battle in order to regroup and to potentially looking forward to reconciling your differences. That assumes that both parties are actively engaged in this task. If not, it is single sided an nothing good will come of it. Now I wish you a lot of courage. The courage to jump over your own shadow and telling people how it is.