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Interviewing celebrities – Guest post by painter and artist Jeff Crystal

Interviewing celebrities – Jeff Crystal Leonardo

Photo credit: Jeff Crystal

Please find below a guest post by painter and artist Jeff Crystal. As of recent he has started to creatively interview famous artists – alive or deceased. His fictitious interviews are based on having intensely studied the artists kicked up with Jeff’s fine sense of humor. Please enjoy Leonardo da Vinci’s interview and discover past and upcoming blog posts here.


Jeff C     It is an honor to meet you Signor da Vinci.

Leonardo V     It is.

JC     Your intellect is legendary.

LV     It is. And everything you have heard is true.

JC     I have heard you are a bastard.

LV     I am a hard taskmaster and perfectionist in the workshop.

JC     You misunderstood me. The “other” kind of bastard.

LV     A” happy accident” is what Papa calls it. Preventable, had I not invented condoms 25 years too               late.

JC     YOU invented condoms?

LV     Among other things. Named ’em after the old Greek legend, Trojans.

JC     What other things have you invented?

LV     I will try to summarize my 13,000 plus pages of notes for you. And in language you might                         understand. I have developed”theoretical explanations” to bring science and art together.

JC     Do any of your”theoretical” things work?

LV     A few.

JC     And all the rest?

LV     Who cares? On paper they are terrific. I am so ahead of my time that no one dare question the veracity of my work. I believe Stevie Jobs said it best ( I paraphrase). “They don’t know they want it yet; because they don’t know what it is!!!”

JC     You certainly are sure of yourself.

LV     Sharpest knife in the drawer.

JC     What did you study?

LV     Metalworking, Leatherworking, Arts, Carpentry, Drawing, and Sculpture

JC     At day camp or university level?

LV     Both.

JC     And your degree is in what?

LV     Theoretical Everything

JC     Do you have an artist’s statement?

LV     Think big. Self promote bigger.

JC     About Mona Lisa?

LV     What about her?

JC      For some unknown reason:your defining best known masterpiece  Who,exactly, is she?

LV     Would you believe Marilyn Monroe?

JC      No.

LV      I tried to get her but she was already booked.

JC      So who is she?

LV      If I told you : as they say, I would have to kill you. The whole “Mona “mystique would be gone.

JC      I have heard she was a commission. A merchant’s wife. I have also heard she was pregnant, jaundiced, and a guy. Any truth there?

LV     Maybe. Maybe not.

JC      “Mona’s” wide appeal; says one noted art historian “lies in the inherent spirituality of the human creature that were able to ingenuine to the picture that raises the human figure to some kind of majesty”.  Is that what you attempted to achieve?

LV     I haven’t got a clue about what the guy said. You get paid to paint a portrait. you paint a portrait. You get paid and move on. Yeeesh!!! How do these people come up with this stuff?

JC     But you never released “Mona”?

LV     The bastard never paid!

JC     Who(m) inspires you?

LV     Copernicus,Einstein, Dr. Stephen Hawkings, Steve Jobs, Elon Musk

JC      That is quite  a list.

LV      It is.

JC      What quality in others do you most detest?

LV     Ignorance and Stupidity. There is a difference.

JC      What quality do you like most in others?

LV      Imagination and Vision

JC      In yourself; what quality do you most like?

LV      Imagination and Vision

JC      What quality , in yourself do you most dislike?

LV      My male pattern baldness. It is why I always wear a hat.

JC      Who(m), past or present, would you like to hang out with?

LV      Marilyn Monroe, Sophia Loren

JC      When you die: who or what would you like to come back as?

LV      Walt Disney. Imagine that you actually never die. THAT is vision!!!


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One thought on “Interviewing celebrities – Guest post by painter and artist Jeff Crystal

  1. Pingback: Accidentally in Love by Laura Drewry – Review | My Life. One Story at a Time.

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