How to be candid with each other
You get what you tolerate. A close relative of tolerance is candor. Offering candid and constructive feedback is tough. You do not want to offend and you do not want to create issues. On the other hand tolerating a pattern of performance issues, incompetence and a pattern of mistakes will only get you and the other party into trouble as well. Yes, you will have to put some will power into being honest with yourself and then others. The benefits outweigh the disadvantages almost all the time. The moment you put it out there what you would like to see, people will naturally change on their own in order to help you. If the pattern still continues you now know that you must make tougher choices: Do you need to change yourself or is it time to abandon your current relationship? Thinking and acting upon your choices will bring peace of mind.
Take a common example from work as an example: You have a co-worker that annoys you with his loud telephone conversations. You could just leave it be, complain to others about this and finally just be miserable about it because nothing ever changes. Complain to your boss and one or the other may start playing games because there is no direct line of communication. On the other hand, you could choose to speak with the colleague and tell him how you feel and ask if he could possible do something about this. Catch the drift?
Here is a tip how to bring your issue up with others: First and foremost you need to have a plan what and how you wish for change to occur. Why is a plan important? You need to keep the meeting with your other party as constructive and factual as possible. Confrontation is not the way to go as you pull feeling and emotion into the discussion, which can put everybody’s brain into flight or fight mode. That would not be good. Identify the issue and think about what would happen if nothing changes.
Write it down and share this thought with your counterpart during the meeting. Now think really hard about what the change look like that you are asking. Make sure to mention your intention to improve upon this situation. Also think about if and how you may be contributing to a less than ideal situation. Jot down and voice your desired outcome in the meeting.
Life is all about the choices you make. Choose speaking about this and affect a change even if it is hard at first to make the start. Remember that you will be feeling better about yourself when you make the choice to not tolerate things that upset you. Are you ready to make some tough choices? If you do not make a choice then you are actively choosing to get what you are tolerating. Where can you make a start that you can experiment with this? This concept applies at home as well…