You get what you tolerate – on the job and at home
Another close relative of candor is tolerance. It is not necessarily the polar opposite, but in fact it can be worse as tolerance comes close to indifference. Tolerating a pattern of performance issues, incompetence and a pattern of mistakes will only get you and the other party into trouble. Yes, you will have to put some will power into being honest with yourself and then others. The benefits outweigh the disadvantages almost all the time. The moment you put it out there what you would like to see, people will naturally change on their own in order to help you. If the pattern still continues you now know that you must make tougher choices: Do you need to change yourself or is it time to abandon your current relationship? Thinking and acting upon your choices will bring peace of mind.
Take some typical examples from work. You have a co-worker that annoys you with his loud telephone conversations. You could just leave it be, complain to others about this and finally just be miserable about it. On the other hand, you could choose to speak with the colleague and tell him how you feel and ask if he could possible do something about this. Catch the drift?
Here is a tip how to bring your issue up with others: First and foremost you need to have a plan what and how you wish for change to occur. Why is a plan important? You need to keep the meeting with your other party as constructive and factual as possible. Confrontation is not the way to go as you pull feeling and emotion into the discussion, which can put everybody’s brain into flight or fight mode. That would not be good. Identify the issue and think about what would happen if nothing changes.
Write it down and share this thought with your counterpart during the meeting. Now think really hard about what the change look like that you are asking about. Voice your desired outcome in the meeting.
This topic is just as relevant in your social life. Take for instance you being a parent. Especially kids will push the envelope to what they can get away with. Every time that they nudge and push you it takes quite a few nerves to sticking your proclaimed boundaries. The moment you give in because you are too exhausted anymore they win and it gets to be even tougher for you regaining control of the situation the next time around.
Life is all about the choices you make. Choose speaking about this and affect a change even if it is hard at first to make the start. Remember that you will be feeling better about yourself when you make the choice to not tolerate things that upset you. Are you ready to make some tough choices? Where can you make a start that you can experiment with this?