Ralf Weiser's Blog – Shake Up Your Snow Globe! ©

Stop doing, shake your globe, ponder, dream, start reaching your full potential – live on purpose and do it with a smile!

Archive for the category “balanced life”

A better way dealing with emotional scars


A better way dealing with emotional scars 

It is inevitable: we sustain plenty of mental and physical scars throughout our lives. In one way or another they will always be visible. Since they are blemishes we attempt hiding them as best as possible. It’s tough enough that we know that they are there; let’s not alert others to them. Why hide it though?

Your scars were payment for some invaluable experience. They managed to change you. Would you ever do whatever you did (or didn’t do) that way again? You will not be able fooling people for long before they find out anyway. Deal with what caused them and then learn from your hard earned experience. Wear your scars with a sense of pride. Not embracing them is foolish.

Ralf

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1 simple strategy helping make life changing decisions


1 simple strategy helping make life changing decisions 

How do I make the best out of the present? Sometimes we get our brains tied into a pretzel: We get mentally stuck and therefore frustrated because we are not making any progress. There are two extremes that we keep thinking about that cause this issue. Many times we are totally focused on either what should happen in the future, or what has happened in the past. What we forget to do is being present in the present.

Projecting the future based on the past is a total waste of precious time and nerves. We should be learning from the mistakes we have made in the past, but trying to glean what the future holds in store for us is a rather futile thing to do. On the other side is dreaming away at imagining what should happen, or even worse would be asking yourself what-would-happen-if? There are an infinite number of things that your brain will be able to come up with.

A way out of this brain churn and burn is simply trying to be in the moment and then to make a decision right away rather than waiting for a better moment to come along. One of those moments was making a decision whether or not moving to the U.S.A. and working here would be a good step to take for me. This was over 25 years ago. If I had paid too much attention on my historic and epic bad luck I probably would not have gone forward with it. The same can be said for looking at the many unknown things that did scare me, and in hindsight they should have scared me witless. Even though I clearly had not known much about what would and could happen to me, I did make a timely and ultimately really good decision to go forward with it after all. “All” I had to do was to look at what my heart, head, and instinct told me to do. It did turn out to be the best thing in my life thus far.

Take a leap of faith and trust your decision as long as it is not stuck in the past or the future.

Ralf

Learn about how to take control of your quality of life


Learn about how to take control of your quality of life 

When your life suddenly changes because you have just found out you have a challenging medical condition you can either keep feeling sorry for yourself, or you can already see the new path and plan that goes along with it. Some folks just get stuck in the anger, grieving, and resistance mode: “Why did this happen to me?”, “I just do not believe this!” It can lead to a state of utter confusion and self-pity. Another major issue is being overweight. Do you expect your doctor to do something about this, or is this not up to you to ponder and figure out? It is time to take action yourself!

Feeling sorry for yourself however wastes time and lets your brain go on a down spiraling path to severe depression. Neither is helpful if time is of the essence. I will never forget the incident where my mom was sharing a hospital room with a woman who was exactly in this state of mind. Her illness was severe and her outlook on how long she was to live did not look great at all. When nurses and doctors asked her what she wanted to do she constantly changed direction. When she was alone with my mom or visitors she was constantly complaining about the medical staff, her condition – nothing seemed to work out right for her. It was painful to watch, especially when she snuck out the room to go downstairs for a quick smoke in order to “calm her nerves down”. Calm your nerves down, but stress your body even more with the effects of smoking? The woman went in a circle of self-destruction – she got really busy dying.

Compare this with my mom who had been diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer 9 months prior. At the beginning of her journey of the long goodbye that is cancer, she had been given a few weeks to live. Not our mom, nope, she would have none of it. Hope and faith let her go through the anger, grief, and resistance time period really quickly. Plans were made to see specialists, treatments, and she even got new glasses to be able to see and read better. She had not gotten new ones in decades.

In the end cancer finally claimed her life 10 months after diagnosis. At the time the above mentioned story happened things were already not looking good at all, but my mom found the time helping the woman with advice, thoughts and prayers. The irony puzzles me to this day. Bottom line though was that mom was always busy living.

When things look bleak it may be easier succumbing to self-pity. Two processes are at work here. One is how a sudden major change goes through a U shaped process (explained here in more detail) and what you are going through is normal: Resistance, anger, grief, etc. That is the downward side of the U on the left. There comes a time when you hit the bottom of the U (figuratively speaking). You can either swing back up to anger etc, or start looking at the upside to the right leg of the U. It is the onset of careful optimism, hope, and exploration of opportunities. The other main process is that you have a choice. Are you choosing to get busy dying, or are you choosing to get busy living? What will be your choice?

Ralf

How to ask the right questions in order to make great friends


How to ask the right questions in order to make great friends 

How many friends have you made with your mouth versus your ear? Oh my, this question hit me square in the forehead quite a while back. Here you have all the technology to reach out to so many people in real time and yet nothing matters until someone starts to listen. The key to making a difference is learning to keeping your mouth closed and to just listen. You can inject your knowledge and experience etc into the dialog depending on the questions that you will be asked in the process of listening. This is the most effective way of making any conversation a win-win situation.

It remains one of the toughest things to do for me. How about you? You have so much to share. You have bundled up so much experience. You have been on an excited life’s journey that should be shared. There is a time to share all of this, but you need to scan for the best time to do so. Best practice is to park your desire to make statements and assertions – that is if you are interested in learning something new about the other conversation partner. It is takes a little exercise, but the rewards can be remarkable. Then you need to literally force your brain to think about how to switch from questions that would give you a yes/ no response to open ended ones. At first, you will not fell easy about this, but just recall that these questions had better start out with a W or an H (where, who, why, what, when, how).

Stand back and then stand by what ensues. The greater percentage of people will enrich your life by blessing you with their experience, talents and most of all they will give you two elements of human interaction that are the most scarce these days: They are now giving you their attention and a little bit of trust that if you do this well can last a life time.

Blessed beyond measure,

Ralf

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