Ralf Weiser's Blog – Shake Up Your Snow Globe! ©

Stop doing, shake your globe, ponder, dream, start reaching your full potential – live on purpose and do it with a smile!

Archive for the category “collaboration”

It is not the critic who counts – just do the stuff you are meant to do


It is not the critic who counts – just do the stuff you are meant to do 

Someone whom I consider to be a good friend just shared the following quote from Teddy Roosevelt with me.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

I read it once and made so much sense to me. I read it again right away as it pulled me right back in. I have tried homing in on the things that only I should be doing. I used to care a lot about what other people would say and I often tried appeasing them. It did not feel right not being all-inclusive with everyone. I had to learn a hard life lesson that I cannot always avoid folks not being happy with me. Do not misunderstand me here. I will always attempt first figuring out how I can make everyone better off with what I am doing. I will just no longer compromise on things when I know that there is a better possible outcome just because there are critics out there who will spend ample time pontificating about what could be done rather than starting to do something themselves. I am with President Roosevelt here. I would rather be the one whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood. I need to be part of the solution and not the problem.

Are you with me?

Ralf

The one who rest, rusts or how running away from a tough choice is not a good idea


The one who rest, rusts or how running away from a tough choice is not a good idea 

Life is pretty much like a tread mill: Even though it is exhausting to be on it, you really have no other choice than to keep running once you are on it. No matter how fast you are running you are not really getting any farther – you are stuck in many ways. The final lap is only coming around when our life ends. Not very uplifting, huh?

There are good portions to this as well though. It’s your choice to get on or not; if you do not like the current treadmill version you are on then get OFF of it! Upon getting on another one, what speed will you pick? Will you pick an incline once and a while? For how long will you exercise away at it? What is the sense of it in the first place? When will you get off it? Will you jump off or slow down little by little? Why can you not apply what you know and build a completely different version of a treadmill? Tough choices are part of life and giving up because they are difficult to make are simply a fact of life. Get used to having to choose and do not give up because you feel like you are not fit enough to deal with some of the consequences.

Like it or not, if you are on it just to go into idle mode, you will never really get anywhere. Exercising your body will push your soul besides of building up your stamina. Isn’t that why we are made to keep in motion and be in good shape (mental jogging included)? You have to make a few hard decisions about all the aspects of your life. Choose mental toughness and building up your endurance by exercising. The one who rests, rusts.

Ralf

Great relationships with your kids do take a bit of time and work


Great relationships with your kids do take a bit of time and work 

Just this last week I went to a public event at school and my daughter gave me a big hug. One of the school’s administrators saw this and commented that he would give money for his daughter to do this with him in high school and that this may not happen. Public display of affection is just not all that cool when you are in school – definitely not for high school folks.

I commend my daughter for not caring enough about her peer’s opinions. Yet great relationships with your kids do not come easy and they are not the norm (perhaps they have never been the norm?). Once the teenage years come around hormones set in, parents are no longer cool. It will not take much longer and they are out of the house and they want to spend less and less time with you.

Some of this is totally natural. You need to provide the solid roots for them to have a good footing in life. On the other hand, you also should want to let them grow wings such that they can fly away eventually. Finding yourself in today’s world is tough and I am glad that I do not have to do that again.

You hope that you have a solid relationship with them that they feel they can come back anytime – eventually. They should of course not feel like that they are being shamed into seeing you regularly. Wouldn’t it feel great if they felt compelled to ask you for advice later in life?

You put the odds in your favor by always maintaining a great relationship. There are some really quick and simple ways how to initiate for this to happen.

  1. Start early. Children are like batteries – you charge them up early in life and they will not run out of power for quite some time. Make sure to teach them great habits from the day they are born. Some say it starts as early as when babies are still in the womb. I have seen this so many times that parents imposing rules when children are 3 to 4 years old. Guess what: the train has left the station.

 

  1. See the world through their eyes. Literally and figuratively get down to their level. See the world through their eyes.

 

  1. Spend time not money: The best and most expensive baubles, trinkets, clothes, shows, etc never make for long term sustainable relationships. They get to know whom they can pump for the money and what they need to do or say in order to get it. All it takes is to ask them what they want to do. Be amazed how little it takes for them to be totally happy spending time with you.

 

  1. Instill intrinsic motivation. Punishment and rewards for tasks performed do not work well when they leave the house. I call it the sugar and whip routine. Intrinsic motivation comes from within your child; it cannot be forced from the external world. Your short ones look for your approval, and genuine appreciation. Share with them – often – why you are happy about what they do and who they are.

 

  1. Let them fail. Hover over them all you want, ultimately you will not be around forever. Let them fail, otherwise they will not know what to do when you are not around to save them. Easier said then done, I know. It is heartbreaking to watch too. It is the circle of life. Suck it up, or get used to the idea of the mental picture of you becoming the crutches that hold up your kids.

 

  1. Do not be too critical. Yell often and you will no longer be afforded the truth. Period. If you are berating them for every little bit, then what is the point for telling the truth anyway? They would get yelled at either way. Telling you a half-truth is their way to get yelled at less. Pick your battles wisely.

 

  1. Provide responsibility with With any responsibility there is always also authority. Be prepared to get inundated with the question “what do you want me to do now?, if you only provide rules, but no wiggle room for how your little critters will make it happen.

 

  1. Foster spirituality. Be a role model here. In the evening say a prayer with them appreciating the great things that happened. Reflect on the lessons learned. Pray for people in need. In the event you can coax them out of bed early enough, say a prayer with them in the morning. Appreciate what you have and be thankful for it. When they are ready, ask what God means to them (prepare for shedding tears of laughter and deep emotions).

Life is tricky a friend recently shared with me. She is definitely correct about the relationship part with your kids. Good news is that you have it in your hand as to what kind of a relationship you will have. Choose wisely.

Ralf

Cell phone on – world around you off


Cell phone on – world around you off 

Photo credit: Pablo by Buffer

I think we are all losing it. We are all on cell phone crack. “We” meaning the people who own a smart phone. Just last week I went to a Cub Scout ceremony where even parents missed their own children’s awards while they were checking out their social media stuff on their cell phones. It does not matter where you are this issue of us tuning the world around us off is rampant. From family outings when the phones are going around the table with funny or bizarre Youtube stuff being shown to going to restaurants and no one talks anymore because everyone (including the kids) is glued to their little screens. No one is safe. The little device seems to dictate when we pick it up and pay attention to it rather than the world that surrounds us.

This has got to stop. We are losing our connection to our worlds by being connected to it only electronically. What can we do?

  • For one we can turn most push notifications and dingers and ringers off. We need to make the decision to look at the device – it should not be the device telling us that.
  • Declare a cell free zone when we sit together at the table. At the restaurant switch them off and put them in the center of the table. Same for meals shared at home.
  • Do not put the device in your bedroom. If for nothing else do not put it on your nightstand. Give yourself some space from being connected 24/7.
  • Declare a cell phone free time during the day. For two to three hours just leave the phone function on, but nothing else.

I am not sure that we can speak of a medical condition as far as us being addicted to those mystical devices – yet. We are losing a bit of our human touch if we not at least curb the constant connection to the world and yet we may lose the connection to the people who mean the most to us.

Ralf

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