Ralf Weiser's Blog – Shake Up Your Snow Globe! ©

Stop doing, shake your globe, ponder, dream, start reaching your full potential – live on purpose and do it with a smile!

Archive for the category “communication”

1 way how to turn a bad conversation into a positive one


1 way how to turn a bad conversation into a positive one 

Most conversations go awry when one person starts to use an accusatory tone. This can sound like this: “You always ignore me”, “You never consider my opinion”, or “Can you ever plan ahead?”

This kind of lingo can start a downward spiral of events. For one using “you” in this context typically is like poking your finger in the other person’s chest. Always, never, ever, etc, are rather strong words and most likely were not meant literally. Once offended the other person may start fighting back. And why not? After all, “always”, “never”, “ever” are very rarely true in the literal sense. The moment the other person also starts throwing similar sentences the other way, a battle of the minds will typically ensue. Even worse are those people of us who say such things to intentionally hurt and drawing pleasure from putting their friends, family, co-workers, employees, etc. down.

So, how can you turn this situation around? A way out is using the expression of feelings rather than using accusatory statements. If you can express how certain behaviors hurt you and how they make you feel, it is typically much easier for the other party to understand what has led to the issue in the first place. Also, the other person’s mental shutters and personal defense system are not engaged and a much more sincere and genuine conversation can happen.

So what could the sentences above sound like? Let’s try this: “When you do not pay attention to me while I am speaking with you makes me feel sad and undervalued.”, “Sometimes I feel like my opinion is not valued at all; it makes me feel ignored”, “Whenever you do not plan ahead I feel like you do not value my time and my day ends up in chaos”.

See the difference? Emphasis lies in expression how a certain behavior makes you feel and how it affects you. This is the way how to keep the conversation at a really professional and factual level. It does not offend and is not intended to make you get even with the other person. A much more fruitful discussion can result. Have fun trying it out.

Ralf

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“Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right”


“Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right” 

This quote is from Henry Ford and he got this right: I care or I don’t, it shows either way. Sticking around work because you need the money and that is a way to get it may be a way making ends meet, but it is a dead end career move. It will always show that you are not “in to it”. Your coworkers may notice it first and draw their own conclusions from it, your leadership will also notice. Guess what, while your job may never be in danger of getting eliminated because you are competent – you will end up getting stuck doing whatever you are doing now.

Only when you truly care about your job and what you do does this genuinely show. That can create an upward career spiral with fantastic results. First and foremost you will end up asking for more work that you love doing. Perhaps you may ask your manager do something different too. It’s not about the quantity but quality and greater responsibility that will make your work more fulfilling.

Beginning and ending a job always involve YOU. Make a choice to either get “in to it” or to get out. Understanding that this choice may not be easy at all to make, also realize that nothing ever changes, if the pain of remaining the same is not greater than the pain of changing.

Ralf

2018 is the year that needs to bring people together – Here is one way how you can help


2018 is the year that needs to bring people together – Here is one way how you can help 

We have a lot going on and there are a lot of moments where we are more divided than unified on so many levels. People are on the edge and we get upset at each other seemingly faster than ever before. When people get under your skin because they really loathe you and what you do, the best you can do here is to close your eyes, say a prayer, and whole heartedly forgive them. They hate this even more, but you feel better.

Traffic, work, neighbors, family, school, and so many other places are rich with friends, and also really nasty people. This kind of nastiness can drain you of all your energy and anything you do and even think about, can soon be consume your thoughts and feelings. “All” it takes is engaging your power of choice: choose love and inclusion instead of hatred. This will free your spirit and all but automatically remove the power other people have over you.

Feel brave? One more way to kick things up a notch is to approach the people who hate you openly. Manage to remain friendly, but have the candor of asking them what you can do to make things better. More often than not their anger only resides in their heads because their brains had had a monologue instead of an actual dialog with you.

When that happens their thoughts can spiral out of control and the negativity – sometimes all of it – is a purely homemade issue and you are only a cheap pawn in this blame game. Worse yet, since you were never invited to a dialog you do not even know what their grudge may be all about. That is something you can do something about by opening up and approaching them.

Hatred is tiresome and draining. Most of all it is not long term sustainable without causing other issues. This can change overnight if you are willing to make the greatest change of all: Changing yourself. Choose love and forgiveness and the world and people will open up to you. Most of all, choose how you want to react rather than letting instincts take over your life. May 2018 help get us to stand united again.

Ralf

One solid alternative to our conventional news sources


One solid alternative to our conventional news sources 

Isn’t it amazing how fast we get news now? Social media made it possible. Wherever we go we get to know tons of information about anything ranging from gossip to disasters. Difficult part is that we consume this like fast food: Snag it, bag it, consume it, and move on.

There are multiple issues with how we get news and how they are being prepared. For one, most events are oriented towards local and national acts of violence, only the most significant national and international events, and not to forget sports.

Then the reporting on average very rarely spends any significant time to review issues in depth. It tailors to ever so short attention spans. That is why I compare it to getting spoon fed with fast food: A brief rush that lasts about only as long as we get our next dose of it. Unfortunately, there seems to never be a shortage of rather useless news that TV and other print and online news sources jump on for our next dose.

What really does not help here is that it takes a little effort to go after more useful information. Nothing new here – it is not impossible to get to better quality news. It is too bad that it does take a little more effort though.

I can only recommend a small habit change with a pretty big impact: Check out a few online and / or print resources every day, or at least once a week. Really cool are online sources like Deutsche Welle – DW, BBC or similar sources. Not only do you get a more international look at news, but you typically get a more in depth look at things.

Remember that just consuming raw news is one thing, but allowing time for folks to better prepare them for you and for you taking the time to digest it properly is really where you should make the difference. Nothing is worse than to be un- or under informed; wait, perhaps outright incorrect information can be worse.

For printed resources perhaps Time, Wall Street Journal etc are best (even these guys have online presences too).

Bottom line is that the more you know, the better the decision you can make because of it. We have been given the most powerful tools on this planet by being human: We have the power of choice and the knowledge what is the right (or better) thing to do. Let’s put this to good use by starting with solid and correct information. Otherwise, we will fall victim to yet another case of the garbage in-garbage out symptom.

Ralf

 

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