Ralf Weiser's Blog – Shake Up Your Snow Globe! ©

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Archive for the category “communication”

1 way – the only way – how to avoid getting baited by nasty people


1 way – the only way – how to avoid getting baited by nasty people 

When people get under your skin because they really loathe you and what you do, the best you can do here is to close your eyes, say a prayer, and whole heartedly forgive them. They hate this even more, but you feel better.

Traffic, work, neighbors, family, school, and so many other places are rich with friends, and also really nasty people. This kind of nastiness can drain you of all your energy and anything you do and even think about, can soon be consume your thoughts and feelings. “All” it takes is engaging your power of choice: choose love and inclusion instead of hatred. This will free your spirit and all but automatically remove the power other people have over you. It also avoids road rage and other forms of violence escalation. There is too much of this right now.

Feel brave? One more way to kick things up a notch is to approach the people who hate you openly. Manage to remain friendly, but have the candor of asking them what you can do to make things better. More often than not their anger only resides in their heads because their brains had had a monologue instead of an actual dialog with you.

When that happens their thoughts can spiral out of control and the negativity – sometimes all of it – is a purely homemade issue and you are only a cheap pawn in this blame game. Worse yet, since you were never invited to a dialog you do not even know what their grudge may be all about. That is something you can do something about by opening up and approaching them.

Hatred is tiresome and draining. Most of all it is not long term sustainable without causing other issues. This can change overnight if you are willing to make the greatest change of all: Changing yourself. Choose love and forgiveness and the world and people will open up to you.

Ralf

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5 ways of how to deal with people that have a closed mind


5 ways of how to deal with people that have a closed mind 

There are probably a few folks that totally get under your skin. They believe in things that you could never subscribe to and they are vocal and obnoxious about it. You would love to argue your point and arguments with them and yet it is like you are speaking with a rock. They will not listen – ever.

A while ago we had a neighbor who had a problem a good friend of mine who used to rent a room from my parents. This friend had a habit to park his car on the side of the neighbor right in front of his property. One day he summoned Werner (my friend) and proclaimed a no parking zone for him in front of his house. “The water and melting snow cannot flow around your tires and the water keeps creating big puddles”.

I am not sure what that to do with anything, but I was later also subject to the same reasoning. Anyway, Werner did not move his car. One day it snowed hard and when he emerged from his apartment to get into his car he found it blocked in by two piles of snow; one behind and the other in front of the car. The neighbor had had his revenge.

He did not know whom he had messed with. Werner never got mad, he got even. His car was one with built-in hydrostatic suspension. He put it on high and flattened the snow mounds in little time. He lowered it as he plowed into the snow until there was no more snow mound left. Ha! The picture above shows Werner with his “present” for the neighbor. He wrote a heartfelt greeting on it. The material (soft pinewood) had something to do with what the neighbor’s head was made of.

All humorous anecdotes aside, there is a six-step process that has a good chance of working when you encounter really head strong and opinionated folks.

  1. Preach and teach once. Then zip it. Make your point and get out. Chances are that if you are lucky you will impact the person for the occasion, but rarely in general. Spare your nerves with going overboard making points to convince people of how correct you are and they are not.
  2. You always have the chance to ignore the person. In fact, that typically is the best response. No sense getting yourself all worked up just to find out that the person responding to your posts and mails is someone that goes with the populous and not with what is the best and most prudent thing to do.
  3. Love them anyway and show empathy and compassion for them. The vast majority of folks cannot stand if they are being treated nicely by their opponents. Hatred is not the answer; only love will prove to be long term sustainable.
  4. No matter what other people do, sometimes you cannot listen to your and their brain chatter and just focus on what more you can do. Who is affected by anything you do or say?
  5. Have some fun with them. Respond in a witty fashion. Much like Werner, try to be as engaging as possible. Who knows? Perhaps one day you can convince a few people to look into the sky with us.

Ignorant people are a daily fact of life. Do not take that in silence. Make sure that you are heard, but then move on. Do not dwell on it. It will not help you, nor will it really do anything with the one whose mind is closed for the day. Do you have a story to tell with ignorant folks? Would love if you shared it with us. Use the comment field below.

Ralf

I can’t hear you – your actions speak louder than words


I can’t hear you – your actions speak louder than words 

Photo credit: Pablo by Buffer

What a double-edged sword this one is. There are only two ways to go about it, I think. On one hand there is not so much what you said but how you said it. If your content does not match your facial expressions, gestures and mimics than don’t be surprised if you’ll find yourself on a person to be avoided list. At a minimum you will be dealing with quite a few conflicts with people who just no longer know how to read you.

The other side of this medal is strictly that you can say what you want and how people understand you is yet another thing. And it does not even matter sometimes what you say and how, you just will never be understood – because the other person may not want to understand you. Prejudice and judgment are a 21st century infliction that probably has never been any worse in history. Social media is not improving this issue either.

The third blow comes in form of you saying one thing and your own actions differ from what you are asking other people to do or not to do. Busted! That is definitely the worst trustbuster. Read about DropBox’s CEO and how this issue snagged him.

How do you keep yourself out of trouble? Do not send out mixed body language messages and make sure your content is on target and professional. There is only so much you can do though. Be natural and honest – if some meanies still do not like you and keep misunderstanding you there is nothing you will be able to do about that. Be yourself. Period.

Ralf

Which person impacted and changed your life forever?


Which person impacted and changed your life forever? 

Photo credit: Pablo by Buffer

Think of a person that has changed or impacted your life the most. This person saw something in you that he or she believed in you more than you did. His/ her encouragement led to a much enriched life journey for you.

Does this person know what kind of impact their belief had in you? My call to action is to get in touch with this person immediately. Let her/ him know how you feel and appreciate what he/she did.

Next, follow this train of thought and create a ripple effect. Give of yourself. Help out a person who struggles through life. If you want to read up on what that could look like, Jeff Goins’ book “Wrecked” could help set the stage for you.

My person is my best friend Holger who helped me through some great difficulty when I was 17 and enduring the hardship of apprenticeship. My mom and dad did not have problems with alcohol – they had problems without alcohol. They were alcoholics. The home life was a royal mess, and we did not even have money to buy heating oil for about two winters.

Girl friend? Hah, did not have the guts and the heart much less the energy getting entangled with more issues. I was bullied extensively during the first year of my job apprenticeship. Whenever I could I would drink heavily. Shame galore – living in a small village in Germany was not a walk in the park when you are being put into the same category as your dad. Dad is an idiot = son must be an idiot also. That was a simple equation that came with some “interesting” ramifications. Life was miserable.

One particularly bad night I had come back from a party with co-workers, drunk and depressed. I bumped into Holger at a block party and he saw the heap of a mess that was me. He listened and helped me get my bearing again. Day by day and thought-by-thought. We became lifelong friends, but as of late we can no longer stay in contact all that much as we live in totally different places. Thanks for all you did my friend during the darkest time of my life! Life improved soon thereafter once I realized that I was still in control of my thoughts. Thoughts are just thoughts – they are not me! Once I stopped my own pity party life improved beyond measure.

Do you know someone who picked you up from the floor and put you back on your feet? How about a teacher or coach? This special person may not even remember you. It does not matter. Make sure you tell him that you love him and that you appreciate everything that he did for you. Do it fast, because life can change with an blink of an eye*.

Ralf

*Thanks, Tom!

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