Ralf Weiser's Blog – Shake Up Your Snow Globe! ©

Stop doing, shake your globe, ponder, dream, start reaching your full potential – live on purpose and do it with a smile!

Archive for the category “enthusiasm”

No gifts needed


No gifts needed 

Photo credit: Pablo by Buffer

I really need no gifts on Father’s Day. Being a father is already the greatest gift afforded to me. I don’t even know where to begin describing how much of a blessing it has been to have two healthy kids in our lives. My father lost his dad in WWII; he did not have such a swell childhood. I lost my dad about 3 decades ago when he left us on not so nice terms. That is why I wanted to make whatever sacrifice it would take to make the effort being present in the life of our two kids. You will hear me often proclaim that you will be given so much more if you are willing to give without expecting anything in return. When I reflect upon the last 18 years I can still count the few times that we were not together. Oh sure, we spent time apart; we have a deeper bond and “together” applies to physically and spiritually being with each other.

We laugh, cry, talk, argue, vacation, suffer, enjoy, swim, bike, camp, run, hike, drive, go to school, learn German and Spanish, travel, pray, get hurt, love, geo-cache, read, puzzle, craft, do nerdy stuff, and so many more. Good, bad, and ugly alike, I would not want to miss a minute of it. Being a dad has been the greatest gift in my life and no tool or other trinket could ever make up for it.

I say this as 2017 marks the next big change: Letting go. Our daughter will leave for college soon and she will be the first of two spreading her wings. Thankfully we are close no matter how far we are apart. Still, I will surely need a bit of time getting used to not having her close with us. Even my son is already spending a lot of time on his own. I am looking forward to what both will do – I am blessed beyond measure.

Happy Father’s Day! Here is a fabulous video for the occasion (click here for watching the video).

Ralf

Here is to you Class of 2017 – Please always chase a better self and live on purpose


Here is to you Class of 2017 – Please always chase a better self and live on purpose 

It is that time of the year: High school graduations are upon us. This one is really special to me because of two reasons. My daughter is one of the lucky high school students who will soon go out into the world and spreading her wings. The other special thing is a speech friend and coach Brett Blair (he is the author of From Autopilot to Authentic: How the Philosophies of Dr. Tom Hill Can Help You Live Your Exceptional Life) held for high school grads in Cary NC. He has allowed me to share his speech with you. There a many speeches held, but this one sticks out to me. The current generation may be making a mess of things right now, but you should really let Brett’s thoughts sink in about how you HS grads will now have the exciting chance helping make important changes for yourself and all of us. So I am asking you as well to please chase a better self and live on purpose – we live in a country that provides so many opportunities challenging to live to your full potential. Let your light shine and never relent. The best of luck to all of you. Here is to you, Katie. We gave you roots and also wings. It is time to spread them wide and take off like an eagle.

Ralf

 

 

Together is Beautiful – Continuing the Journey by Brett Blair

 

Hello graduating seniors. Congratulations! Congratulations to each and every one of you.

 

I, along with your parents, your teachers, the administration, the community, your friends and family, we all honor you.

 

We honor you, and you should be proud.

 

You have completed a significant milestone in your life, and one that will carry with you the rest of your life.

 

Your life.

 

It’s your life.

 

It’s no longer about your parents, your friends, or anyone else.

 

It’s your life that we’re talking about now, and it’s totally in your control.

 

As you venture forth into the world, after crossing that stage on Monday, June 12th, and finally picking up your diploma, you’ll be launched into a whole new journey.

 

For some of you, you’ll be going straight on to college.

 

Others will go to work, and start making some money.

 

Some of you will proudly serve our country in the military, others go to a trade school, community college, or maybe volunteer – here in the U.S. or abroad.

 

I’m guessing that you, the class of 2017, will probably scatter all over the country and maybe even the world.

 

After you graduate, a lot of things will be new and different for you.

 

Some things will be scary.

 

Some things will be fun.

 

One thing I’m sure most of you will experience is a new degree of freedom.

 

Many of you will be living away from home for the first time.

 

You’ll be going from the world of being a kid in your house to being an adult in the big, bad world.

 

You’ll have freedom. Freedom!

 

Freedom is a cool thing.

 

Our country’s fathers – you know their names – George Washington and crew, they fought hard for our freedom, and our military has fought found hard over the last 200 + years to keep it.

 

The Constitution and the Bill of Rights, these things spell out what our great freedoms are as Americans. We should never take these freedoms and these rights for granted, and never forget how blessed we are to live here in the U.S.

 

But there’s another kind of freedom. A freedom that is entirely up to you, and a freedom that you can lose if you don’t live your life in the right way.

 

It’s the freedom that comes from taking personal responsibility for your decisions, your choices, your actions, and overall the way in which you live your life.

 

Freedom! You have the freedom to choose a great career. I made a big mistake here. I originally chose a career based only on the money it would pay. I’ve since learned, and it took me a long time, like over 20 years, that it’s much better to choose a career that matches your passions and purpose and interests.

 

Freedom! You have the freedom to be healthy. Don’t take this for granted. This is almost totally in your control. It overwhelmingly comes from the foods you eat and the exercise you get. At your age, you might not think this is too important. I promise you, it will become very important as you get older. Most of the health problems we have in the US these days come from people with bad habits. People eating the wrong foods and people not getting the exercise they need. You have your full lives ahead of you. I dare you. I dare you to make a commitment to yourself to be super healthy, and then you’ll enjoy the excitement that can come from a life, a long life, based on great health.

 

Freedom! You have the freedom to stay out of debt. Develop good habits around money right now, stick to them, and be free of financial bondage later. If you get a credit card, pay it off every month. If you already have some credit card debt, pay it off as soon as you can. Don’t be like most Americans, with thousands of dollars of credit card debt that literally buries them. Learn about saving. Learn about the magic compounded interest, and learn about the value of long-term investing.

 

Freedom! You have the freedom to have great relationships. Great relationships with your family, with your friends, with your girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife, with your employer and coworkers, with just about anybody. The keys to great relationships are being honest and transparent, being present when you’re with people (instead of glued to your iPhone), being a great listener, and just being one who really cares about other people. Caring about people regardless of what they look like, where they come from, how much money they have, how smart they are – just caring about people because they are another human being.

 

Freedom! You have the freedom of living in a great country, and on a beautiful planet. I know that my generation has not done you any favors here, and we’ve left this world in trouble in many ways. Pollution, climate change, poverty, hunger, racism and social unrest, low rates of political participation, intolerance, the list of challenges goes on and on. But, I am confident and optimistic. I’m optimistic because you young men and women are incredible. You are smart and passionate and caring and live your lives on purpose, and with a purpose. I have no doubt that our future, the future of our planet and the future of all people will be better, much better, because of the impact that you’re going to make.

 

Freedom! You have the freedom to choose how you think. You can choose to wake up each day and live in fear and regret. You can do that. Or, you can wake up each day with confidence and optimism and energy. You can wake up, each day, eager to go forth and make your mark as you live your life on purpose, and make a difference. It’s up to, totally up to you.

 

10 years ago, when I was 46 years old, I quit a job, a career, that I had held for over 20 years. For somebody else, it might have been a great career. It just wasn’t the right one for me.

 

I then started my own business. I also hired a coach, a life coach, and this guy taught me a whole new way to live my life. He taught me to dream about my future, and to write it down in great detail. He taught me to get crystal clear on my priorities, and to live my life in a way that balanced my priorities. He taught me to commit to growth, and to grow until the day I die. I’m living my life that way now, and you know what? It’s awesome. If I could go back to the day I graduated from high school, and start living my life that way, living my life on purpose, I can’t image how much different, how much better my life would have been.

 

You, the class of 2017. You can live your lives on purpose.

 

You can live your lives in the direction of your passions and purposes and your dreams.

 

You can live your lives with abundant health – with energy and strength to lean into each and every day.

 

You can live your lives with amazing relationships all around you – an amazing spouse, amazing kids, amazing relationships with your parents, friends, neighbors.

 

You can have a great career or own your own great business, and smartly manage your money in a way that you never get into financial bondage that comes from having too much debt.

 

Living your life this way – living your life on purpose, it’s not the way most people live. That’s OK. A lot of people aren’t living their lives with the goals and determination and vision that you have. A lot of people are confused, and a lot of people are after instant gratification. You know, the best things in life – they take time, they take focus, they take determination, and they take discipline to get.

 

Personal discipline.

 

Personal discipline is the key.

 

Personal discipline leads to personal freedom.

 

Don’t be influenced by other people. Chart your own course, and stick to it. Be independent.

 

As Dr. Wayne Dyer says, be independent of the good and bad opinions of other people.
Have your own moral compass, your own north star, and live your life in that direction.

 

Live your life when you are all alone just like you would if other people were watching.

 

And something else I’ve learned along the way in my life – it is so much better when we all work together, and when we all get along. I think your generation has this figured out so much better than we did when I was growing up. Regardless of skin color, regardless of economic status, regardless of religion or political party or nationality or worldview – we all have the common denominator of being people. We are all people, created equal in the eyes of God, with unlimited potential. And when we lock arms and work together as people, working toward a better future, our potential is even more unlimited.

 

You guys are amazing. I’ve seen your passion and humility and courage and curiosity and love for each other. I’ve seen your intelligence and adaptability and determination. I’ve seen your faith and persistence and creativity.

 

I’ve seen you, I see you now, and I see you in the future.

 

I see you in the future, boldly making your mark on the world, and as a result, making this world a better place.

 

I know a lot of people who are really worried about the future, and think that the future will be worse, not better, than things are right now.

 

I totally disagree.

 

I believe in a better world.

 

I know we’ll move to the use of renewable energy.

 

 

I think we’ll solve the challenges around climate change.

 

I think we’ll eliminate many of today’s diseases and other health problems.

 

I think we’ll find new solutions to hunger and poverty and racism and inequality.

 

I might be naïve, but I don’t think so.

 

I think all these positive, optimistic things about the future for one reason. And, that one reason is YOU! Each and every one of YOU!

 

Personal discipline is cool. It leads to personal freedom. Personal freedom to live your lives in great big, happy, making a difference ways.

 

Thanks so much for giving me so many reasons to be optimistic, thanks for being an amazing group of young people who phenomenally represent Cary High School, and thanks for being you.
God Bless You, and may you venture forth and live the lives of your dreams.

 

Thanks!

Get busy living, or get busy dying


Get busy living, or get busy dying 

Photo credit: Ralf Weiser, Resistance to change. Do not get stuck on the left side of the “U” – for long

Life is too short for long pity parties. This week made me think of my best college friend who passed away too early due to cancer. She was such a fighter. When your life suddenly changes because you have just found out you have a challenging medical condition you can either keep feeling sorry for yourself, or you can already see the new path and plan that goes along with it. Some folks just get stuck in the anger, grieving, and resistance mode: “Why did this happen to me?”, “I just do not believe this!” It can lead to a state of utter confusion and self-pity. And it is a pity when you do not get out of that mode.

Feeling sorry for yourself however wastes time and lets your brain go on a down spiraling path to severe depression. Neither is helpful if time is of the essence. I will never forget the incident where my mom was sharing a hospital room with a woman who was exactly in this state of mind. Her illness was severe and her outlook on how long she was to live did not look great at all. When nurses and doctors asked her what she wanted to do she constantly changed direction. When she was alone with my mom or visitors she was constantly complaining about the medical staff, her condition – nothing seemed to work out right for her. It was painful to watch, especially when she snuck out the room to go downstairs for a quick smoke in order to “calm her nerves down”. Calm your nerves down, but stress your body even more with the effects of smoking? The woman went in a circle of self-destruction – she got really busy dying.

Compare this with my mom who had been diagnosed with stage 4 esophageal cancer 9 months prior. At the beginning of her journey of the long goodbye that is cancer, she had been given a few weeks to live. Not our mom, nope, she would have none of it. Hope and faith let her go through the anger, grief, and resistance time period really quickly. Plans were made to see specialists, treatments, and she even got new glasses to be able to see and read better. She had not gotten new ones in decades.

In the end cancer finally claimed her life 10 months after diagnosis. At the time the above mentioned story happened things were already not looking good at all, but my mom found the time helping the woman with advice, thoughts and prayers. The irony puzzles me to this day. Bottom line though was that mom was always busy living.

When things look bleak it may be easier succumbing to self-pity. Two processes are at work here. One is how a sudden major change goes through a U shaped process (explained here in more detail) and what you are going through is normal: Resistance, anger, grief, etc. That is the downward side of the U on the left. There comes a time when you hit the bottom of the U (figuratively speaking). You can either swing back up to anger etc, or start looking at the upside to the right leg of the U. It is the onset of careful optimism, hope, and exploration of opportunities. The other main process is that you have a choice. Are you choosing to get busy dying, or are you choosing to get busy living? What will be your choice?

Ralf

Busy is bad


Busy is bad 

Photo credit: Ralf Weiser, Brett Blair’s book “From Autopilot to Authentic”. It proves the point that slowing down is what we need rather than just doing more stuff

Multi-tasking is multi-wasting (click to tweet this). Perhaps it’s no myth to you, but it so pervasive in our culture that the vast majority of people probably do not even know that they overdo it. Multi-tasking is when you attempt carrying out all sorts of tasks and thoughts at the same time, or at least in close progression of each other. It has a few terrible side effects.

When your mind is racing because you want to get as much as possible of your stuff done, you no longer think about how much sense there is in doing them in the first place. When we are in motion we are just not making high quality decisions. Just think about the ruckus about texting while driving, and also being on the phone while driving. We are distracted when we do any of these things. Don’t just take my word on it. Here is Coach Brett Blair’s blog post on the same topic.

Here we are multi-wasting instead of multi-tasking and the time we saved may have been a total waste of time. It’s best to make a weekly and even better daily list the day before we actually have to do anything. Make sure to have some quiet time to really contemplate how important the tasks are. Assign a priority to them. Think about if you actually have to do them. Can you perhaps delegate it? Sometimes you may find that you don’t have all the information you needed in order to do the task. Some of the tasks will not end up on the list. You will end up erasing them because they no longer make sense now that you had time to think about them. Finally, some of the tasks take so little time that you get them done after your planning session (beware of scope creep though).

Don’t waste away precious time. Sometimes it is better slowing down instead of speeding up. Your friends and family will enjoy a happier you and at work you will be recognized for being extremely effective. Effectiveness beats busyness any day no matter how hard you think you work (click to tweet this).

Ralf

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