Ralf Weiser's Blog – Shake Up Your Snow Globe! ©

Stop doing, shake your globe, ponder, dream, start reaching your full potential – live on purpose and do it with a smile!

Archive for the category “love”

Think twice about holding a grudge


Think twice about holding a grudge 

When someone irks you bad enough that it starts to affect your behavior, then you may just have to make the effort to forgive this person either in person, or you do this quietly in your head. Back in the fall of 1995 I woke up bathed in sweat and in horror realized who I had become: The exact opposite of my dad, just worse. How on Earth could I have allowed a person whom I had not seen in six years at that time, who also did not live on the same continent as me to direct my thinking and feelings? It was mind boggling to me and right there and then at the edge of the bed I reflected upon how this could have happened.

It dawned on me quickly that the underlying motivator was for me not to be like my dad. That had always been very tough as him and I look like twins to start with. Mannerisms and even speech pattern were very similar too. The bigger irk factor was however that he had been a long time alcoholic and growing up together with my sister in a household of him and mom being alcoholics had not been a walk in the park. Dad’s psych terror that got physical on a few occasions was as unpredictable as was the intensity. It got so bad that I helped my Mom with the divorce and later packing up Dad who left us with a bit of debt and later claimed personal bankruptcy such that he did not have to pay support to Mom. Topping this off was living in a small German community where we kids were labeled losers just because our dad had made some really bad choices. That is enough to make one bitter, right?

Well, that is where I went wrong. From the day Dad left our house to the above mentioned event, my primary thinking pattern was guided by the thought not to become like my father. What ended up happening was me doing things 180 degrees opposite of what I thought my dad would have done, but would this have been my own natural, sincere and genuine choice? I wanted my life back – as soon as possible. I sat up folded my hands, said a prayer and forgave my father for all the nonsense that had happened. A sense of relief flowed through me and the very next day I started to feel better about myself and the choices I made.

My case was probably a more severe case of this, but I implore you to think about the people that have hurt you in any way and how your thinking and actions may be altered forever in a non-sustainable way if you do not forgive them. That does not mean that you will turn out to be great friends again, but at least you can stay true to yourself and the folks that mean a lot to you get to experience a genuine you and not some other person.

Ralf

No gifts needed


No gifts needed 

Photo credit: Pablo by Buffer

I really need no gifts on Father’s Day. Being a father is already the greatest gift afforded to me. I don’t even know where to begin describing how much of a blessing it has been to have two healthy kids in our lives. My father lost his dad in WWII; he did not have such a swell childhood. I lost my dad about 3 decades ago when he left us on not so nice terms. That is why I wanted to make whatever sacrifice it would take to make the effort being present in the life of our two kids. You will hear me often proclaim that you will be given so much more if you are willing to give without expecting anything in return. When I reflect upon the last 18 years I can still count the few times that we were not together. Oh sure, we spent time apart; we have a deeper bond and “together” applies to physically and spiritually being with each other.

We laugh, cry, talk, argue, vacation, suffer, enjoy, swim, bike, camp, run, hike, drive, go to school, learn German and Spanish, travel, pray, get hurt, love, geo-cache, read, puzzle, craft, do nerdy stuff, and so many more. Good, bad, and ugly alike, I would not want to miss a minute of it. Being a dad has been the greatest gift in my life and no tool or other trinket could ever make up for it.

I say this as 2017 marks the next big change: Letting go. Our daughter will leave for college soon and she will be the first of two spreading her wings. Thankfully we are close no matter how far we are apart. Still, I will surely need a bit of time getting used to not having her close with us. Even my son is already spending a lot of time on his own. I am looking forward to what both will do – I am blessed beyond measure.

Happy Father’s Day! Here is a fabulous video for the occasion (click here for watching the video).

Ralf

1 easy step away going from hug to hope


1 easy step away going from hug to hope 

While in Manhattan NYC today we made a quick stop at the Starbucks near Union Square and one of the baristas took my breath away. She saw my daughter and I waiting in line for our food and drinks and I gave us a big smile. Then she gave us a huge hug (here is another worthy read about hugs). It was totally unprovoked, genuine and came from the bottom of her heart. I was so moved by this that my eyes started to leak a little. Here I was totally consumed with the many – too many – tasks and things to do and check off the list. Work, family, and so many other extra curricular activities had put me under a lot of stress. Success draws more and more attention and activities for sure. I just did not feel good about it at all today. And yet, this one hug pumped huge amounts of hope and energy back into me.

Despite all the political hubbub and also the many nasty things that happen every day we are a good People – there is hope and all we all need to do is showing a little of that to our fellow woman and man. Pay it forward and give someone a good old-fashioned hug. It can make a huge difference in someone’s life – it did for me. From bad day to hope that is all that it may take.

Ralf

One of the worst relationship busters – and it is not hatred


One of the worst relationship busters – and it is not hatred 

Photo credit: www.pablo.buffer.com

You would think that the opposite of love is hatred. That is not it. It is contempt and indifference. Think about how this applies in your romantic and also work related relationships. The reason why contempt is such an effective relationship buster is because it is a slow and deceptive process that is barely recognizable. Along the way you tolerate the little things that we may not like about the partner. When then one partner tries changing the other this can easily derail the mutual respect. You can easily get wrapped up in starting to pursue different interests spending less time together. Our newest electronic devices (and thus vices) may additionally tax the attention span we may have for each other. Finally we may start criticizing the partner more often and at greater intensity. Contempt takes over our thinking process. After a while we may start feeling more and more disconnected and indifference and emotional distance set it.

Should this happen to you there is a key question to ask when a heated discussion ensues and you are no longer sure if your relationship is salvageable: “Now that our journey seems to be coming to an end, can you please tell me at what time I veered off course and what it was that I should have done differently.” When you listen (that means you need to listen to understand and not to respond) think on your feet and listen for new and old revelations that you could change or do immediately. Whatever your partner tells you is the roadmap of your possible path together again. Then share your side of the story. You need to just make sure that that is what you wanted in the first place. Also, keep focusing on why you fell in love with your significant other in the first place. In nine of ten cases that person is still there.

Ralf

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