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Here is to you Class of 2017 – Please always chase a better self and live on purpose


Here is to you Class of 2017 – Please always chase a better self and live on purpose 

It is that time of the year: High school graduations are upon us. This one is really special to me because of two reasons. My daughter is one of the lucky high school students who will soon go out into the world and spreading her wings. The other special thing is a speech friend and coach Brett Blair (he is the author of From Autopilot to Authentic: How the Philosophies of Dr. Tom Hill Can Help You Live Your Exceptional Life) held for high school grads in Cary NC. He has allowed me to share his speech with you. There a many speeches held, but this one sticks out to me. The current generation may be making a mess of things right now, but you should really let Brett’s thoughts sink in about how you HS grads will now have the exciting chance helping make important changes for yourself and all of us. So I am asking you as well to please chase a better self and live on purpose – we live in a country that provides so many opportunities challenging to live to your full potential. Let your light shine and never relent. The best of luck to all of you. Here is to you, Katie. We gave you roots and also wings. It is time to spread them wide and take off like an eagle.

Ralf

 

 

Together is Beautiful – Continuing the Journey by Brett Blair

 

Hello graduating seniors. Congratulations! Congratulations to each and every one of you.

 

I, along with your parents, your teachers, the administration, the community, your friends and family, we all honor you.

 

We honor you, and you should be proud.

 

You have completed a significant milestone in your life, and one that will carry with you the rest of your life.

 

Your life.

 

It’s your life.

 

It’s no longer about your parents, your friends, or anyone else.

 

It’s your life that we’re talking about now, and it’s totally in your control.

 

As you venture forth into the world, after crossing that stage on Monday, June 12th, and finally picking up your diploma, you’ll be launched into a whole new journey.

 

For some of you, you’ll be going straight on to college.

 

Others will go to work, and start making some money.

 

Some of you will proudly serve our country in the military, others go to a trade school, community college, or maybe volunteer – here in the U.S. or abroad.

 

I’m guessing that you, the class of 2017, will probably scatter all over the country and maybe even the world.

 

After you graduate, a lot of things will be new and different for you.

 

Some things will be scary.

 

Some things will be fun.

 

One thing I’m sure most of you will experience is a new degree of freedom.

 

Many of you will be living away from home for the first time.

 

You’ll be going from the world of being a kid in your house to being an adult in the big, bad world.

 

You’ll have freedom. Freedom!

 

Freedom is a cool thing.

 

Our country’s fathers – you know their names – George Washington and crew, they fought hard for our freedom, and our military has fought found hard over the last 200 + years to keep it.

 

The Constitution and the Bill of Rights, these things spell out what our great freedoms are as Americans. We should never take these freedoms and these rights for granted, and never forget how blessed we are to live here in the U.S.

 

But there’s another kind of freedom. A freedom that is entirely up to you, and a freedom that you can lose if you don’t live your life in the right way.

 

It’s the freedom that comes from taking personal responsibility for your decisions, your choices, your actions, and overall the way in which you live your life.

 

Freedom! You have the freedom to choose a great career. I made a big mistake here. I originally chose a career based only on the money it would pay. I’ve since learned, and it took me a long time, like over 20 years, that it’s much better to choose a career that matches your passions and purpose and interests.

 

Freedom! You have the freedom to be healthy. Don’t take this for granted. This is almost totally in your control. It overwhelmingly comes from the foods you eat and the exercise you get. At your age, you might not think this is too important. I promise you, it will become very important as you get older. Most of the health problems we have in the US these days come from people with bad habits. People eating the wrong foods and people not getting the exercise they need. You have your full lives ahead of you. I dare you. I dare you to make a commitment to yourself to be super healthy, and then you’ll enjoy the excitement that can come from a life, a long life, based on great health.

 

Freedom! You have the freedom to stay out of debt. Develop good habits around money right now, stick to them, and be free of financial bondage later. If you get a credit card, pay it off every month. If you already have some credit card debt, pay it off as soon as you can. Don’t be like most Americans, with thousands of dollars of credit card debt that literally buries them. Learn about saving. Learn about the magic compounded interest, and learn about the value of long-term investing.

 

Freedom! You have the freedom to have great relationships. Great relationships with your family, with your friends, with your girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife, with your employer and coworkers, with just about anybody. The keys to great relationships are being honest and transparent, being present when you’re with people (instead of glued to your iPhone), being a great listener, and just being one who really cares about other people. Caring about people regardless of what they look like, where they come from, how much money they have, how smart they are – just caring about people because they are another human being.

 

Freedom! You have the freedom of living in a great country, and on a beautiful planet. I know that my generation has not done you any favors here, and we’ve left this world in trouble in many ways. Pollution, climate change, poverty, hunger, racism and social unrest, low rates of political participation, intolerance, the list of challenges goes on and on. But, I am confident and optimistic. I’m optimistic because you young men and women are incredible. You are smart and passionate and caring and live your lives on purpose, and with a purpose. I have no doubt that our future, the future of our planet and the future of all people will be better, much better, because of the impact that you’re going to make.

 

Freedom! You have the freedom to choose how you think. You can choose to wake up each day and live in fear and regret. You can do that. Or, you can wake up each day with confidence and optimism and energy. You can wake up, each day, eager to go forth and make your mark as you live your life on purpose, and make a difference. It’s up to, totally up to you.

 

10 years ago, when I was 46 years old, I quit a job, a career, that I had held for over 20 years. For somebody else, it might have been a great career. It just wasn’t the right one for me.

 

I then started my own business. I also hired a coach, a life coach, and this guy taught me a whole new way to live my life. He taught me to dream about my future, and to write it down in great detail. He taught me to get crystal clear on my priorities, and to live my life in a way that balanced my priorities. He taught me to commit to growth, and to grow until the day I die. I’m living my life that way now, and you know what? It’s awesome. If I could go back to the day I graduated from high school, and start living my life that way, living my life on purpose, I can’t image how much different, how much better my life would have been.

 

You, the class of 2017. You can live your lives on purpose.

 

You can live your lives in the direction of your passions and purposes and your dreams.

 

You can live your lives with abundant health – with energy and strength to lean into each and every day.

 

You can live your lives with amazing relationships all around you – an amazing spouse, amazing kids, amazing relationships with your parents, friends, neighbors.

 

You can have a great career or own your own great business, and smartly manage your money in a way that you never get into financial bondage that comes from having too much debt.

 

Living your life this way – living your life on purpose, it’s not the way most people live. That’s OK. A lot of people aren’t living their lives with the goals and determination and vision that you have. A lot of people are confused, and a lot of people are after instant gratification. You know, the best things in life – they take time, they take focus, they take determination, and they take discipline to get.

 

Personal discipline.

 

Personal discipline is the key.

 

Personal discipline leads to personal freedom.

 

Don’t be influenced by other people. Chart your own course, and stick to it. Be independent.

 

As Dr. Wayne Dyer says, be independent of the good and bad opinions of other people.
Have your own moral compass, your own north star, and live your life in that direction.

 

Live your life when you are all alone just like you would if other people were watching.

 

And something else I’ve learned along the way in my life – it is so much better when we all work together, and when we all get along. I think your generation has this figured out so much better than we did when I was growing up. Regardless of skin color, regardless of economic status, regardless of religion or political party or nationality or worldview – we all have the common denominator of being people. We are all people, created equal in the eyes of God, with unlimited potential. And when we lock arms and work together as people, working toward a better future, our potential is even more unlimited.

 

You guys are amazing. I’ve seen your passion and humility and courage and curiosity and love for each other. I’ve seen your intelligence and adaptability and determination. I’ve seen your faith and persistence and creativity.

 

I’ve seen you, I see you now, and I see you in the future.

 

I see you in the future, boldly making your mark on the world, and as a result, making this world a better place.

 

I know a lot of people who are really worried about the future, and think that the future will be worse, not better, than things are right now.

 

I totally disagree.

 

I believe in a better world.

 

I know we’ll move to the use of renewable energy.

 

 

I think we’ll solve the challenges around climate change.

 

I think we’ll eliminate many of today’s diseases and other health problems.

 

I think we’ll find new solutions to hunger and poverty and racism and inequality.

 

I might be naïve, but I don’t think so.

 

I think all these positive, optimistic things about the future for one reason. And, that one reason is YOU! Each and every one of YOU!

 

Personal discipline is cool. It leads to personal freedom. Personal freedom to live your lives in great big, happy, making a difference ways.

 

Thanks so much for giving me so many reasons to be optimistic, thanks for being an amazing group of young people who phenomenally represent Cary High School, and thanks for being you.
God Bless You, and may you venture forth and live the lives of your dreams.

 

Thanks!

Great relationships with your kids do take a bit of time and work


Great relationships with your kids do take a bit of time and work 

Just this last week I went to a public event at school and my daughter gave me a big hug. One of the school’s administrators saw this and commented that he would give money for his daughter to do this with him in high school and that this may not happen. Public display of affection is just not all that cool when you are in school – definitely not for high school folks.

I commend my daughter for not caring enough about her peer’s opinions. Yet great relationships with your kids do not come easy and they are not the norm (perhaps they have never been the norm?). Once the teenage years come around hormones set in, parents are no longer cool. It will not take much longer and they are out of the house and they want to spend less and less time with you.

Some of this is totally natural. You need to provide the solid roots for them to have a good footing in life. On the other hand, you also should want to let them grow wings such that they can fly away eventually. Finding yourself in today’s world is tough and I am glad that I do not have to do that again.

You hope that you have a solid relationship with them that they feel they can come back anytime – eventually. They should of course not feel like that they are being shamed into seeing you regularly. Wouldn’t it feel great if they felt compelled to ask you for advice later in life?

You put the odds in your favor by always maintaining a great relationship. There are some really quick and simple ways how to initiate for this to happen.

  1. Start early. Children are like batteries – you charge them up early in life and they will not run out of power for quite some time. Make sure to teach them great habits from the day they are born. Some say it starts as early as when babies are still in the womb. I have seen this so many times that parents imposing rules when children are 3 to 4 years old. Guess what: the train has left the station.

 

  1. See the world through their eyes. Literally and figuratively get down to their level. See the world through their eyes.

 

  1. Spend time not money: The best and most expensive baubles, trinkets, clothes, shows, etc never make for long term sustainable relationships. They get to know whom they can pump for the money and what they need to do or say in order to get it. All it takes is to ask them what they want to do. Be amazed how little it takes for them to be totally happy spending time with you.

 

  1. Instill intrinsic motivation. Punishment and rewards for tasks performed do not work well when they leave the house. I call it the sugar and whip routine. Intrinsic motivation comes from within your child; it cannot be forced from the external world. Your short ones look for your approval, and genuine appreciation. Share with them – often – why you are happy about what they do and who they are.

 

  1. Let them fail. Hover over them all you want, ultimately you will not be around forever. Let them fail, otherwise they will not know what to do when you are not around to save them. Easier said then done, I know. It is heartbreaking to watch too. It is the circle of life. Suck it up, or get used to the idea of the mental picture of you becoming the crutches that hold up your kids.

 

  1. Do not be too critical. Yell often and you will no longer be afforded the truth. Period. If you are berating them for every little bit, then what is the point for telling the truth anyway? They would get yelled at either way. Telling you a half-truth is their way to get yelled at less. Pick your battles wisely.

 

  1. Provide responsibility with With any responsibility there is always also authority. Be prepared to get inundated with the question “what do you want me to do now?, if you only provide rules, but no wiggle room for how your little critters will make it happen.

 

  1. Foster spirituality. Be a role model here. In the evening say a prayer with them appreciating the great things that happened. Reflect on the lessons learned. Pray for people in need. In the event you can coax them out of bed early enough, say a prayer with them in the morning. Appreciate what you have and be thankful for it. When they are ready, ask what God means to them (prepare for shedding tears of laughter and deep emotions).

Life is tricky a friend recently shared with me. She is definitely correct about the relationship part with your kids. Good news is that you have it in your hand as to what kind of a relationship you will have. Choose wisely.

Ralf

8 things helping enrich your life and that of the people in your life


8 things helping enrich your life and that of the people in your life 

We are blessed beyond measure with all the different people who come into our life. Keeping your talents to yourself is not only selfish, but you are wasting your life’s potential away. Even if you consider yourself to be an introvert, you still cannot ignore the fact that we humans are a very social bunch who managed to survive a lot better as a community. Singling yourself out is all but unnatural and most certainly will limit what life has got to offer for everyone of us. Here are 8 examples of how you can turn this situation around.

  • Be prudent with the time you spend at work. Have you ever seen a gravestone engraved with a sentence like this: “I wished I could have spent another hour at the office”? Try achieving a healthy work / family / social activity balance. Who needs you the most?
  • Go to your kid’s activities. Do not lead a life of regret. Kids grow up so fast that you will lose track of time in a heartbeat and before you know it they will be out of the house. Spend as much time with them and do not miss any of their school and leisure time activities. This time will never come back.
  • Travel as much as your budget and time will allow. The world is out there for us to experience. People and places are different from where you currently live and you only need to go a few miles for starters checking out a different county or state. Comparing and contrasting your life and environment add to the spice of life. You will see that we people are really not much different as far as our basic needs and aspirations are concerned. All the while nature, architecture, culture, food, work, etc can be dramatically different. Getting to know that there are more than one way to look at things helps build a mutual understanding and thus our tolerance for others goes up as well.
  • Volunteer your time and talents. Give without expecting anything back in return and you will be given and provided for beyond measure. Your gratitude and servitude will make others better off and you will feel great about yourself. Topping this list off is that you never know whom you will bump into who just may change your life forever.
  • Pay it forward and carry out random acts of kindness. Is it not sad if at the end of each day you have to admit to yourself that you have not been able to one kind thing for another person? Change this as fast as you can. You will feel great and you are giving someone reason for renewed hope. Don’t you like it when others recognize your existence?
  • Share your best skill or expertise with others. There is no excuse for you not to share your talents with others. Social media allow for you to do this with little to no cost. Local business associations, interest groups, Scouts, etc always look for people who can present on a relevant topic. Here is a chance for you to make provide information and training to others, you also raise your net worth with your employer. You brush up on presentation skills and at the same time people will always seek more of your advice.
  • Limit your time spent watching TV, computer, cell phone, etc. Much like the above comment about work here are just some of the many activities that your mind and life go into full blast inactive mode. They are a total waste of time. Read a book, take a walk, but for heaven’s sake do not let your life go into idle mode.
  • Be physically active. An idle mind is the devil’s workshop. Physically, there is a similar issue. We sit and rest way too much. Get up and get going, join a gym, participate in physical activity opportunities at work. Getting the bad juices out your system by exercising is a terrific stress and depression buster.

We are blessed beyond measure living in a country full of helpful people and organizations. You have no one but yourself in your way to grow socially and professionally. Here is my call to action for you to live to your full potential – all you have to do is to give your talents to others.

Ralf

Work on your business and not in it


Work on your business and not in it 

Are you in busyness or business? To do lists will survive us. Your purpose and enthusiasm for your business may not. Seriously, your own and your company’s why is the only reason you exist. Unfortunately, our day-to-day hustle-bustle activities very often prevent us looking up and actually be working on ourselves and our organizations.

In the event we do not make time for connecting with our purpose, it will catch up with us. On a personal level we may experience burn out or perhaps even a midlife crisis. Organizations may grow in spite of themselves but employee turnover may increase and the overall morale may deteriorate so much that customers start leaving eventually.

This craziness can be stopped. First you need to stop yourself from constantly putting out the “fires” around you. Some folks have gotten so good at that that they resort to creating their own fires that they then must put out. Are you sick and tired of constantly making decisions for even the most mundane tasks? It is time to make room in your calendar for pondering the following questions:

  • What would happen to me and my organization if nothing changes during the next 12 months?
  • What will the consequences be?
  • Where would I like my organization (department, etc) and myself to be in 12 to 36 months?
  • What will keep me from getting there?
  • What gives me energy?

Now compare and contrast your answers. The toughest part – the start of your new journey – has been done. Following up with the resulting tasks consistently and frequently is your next big priority.

Do you think you do not have time to plan? Realize that you get what you tolerate and you spend 80% of your valuable time in fire fighting mode based on only 20% of the problems that exist in your organization instead of putting all your oomph into proactively mapping out your future. It’s all about prioritizing everything you do. Do you still think that you do not have time for this? Imagine that you hurt yourself and need to see a doctor really quick. You did not plan for this and yet you are finding the time anyway. You will make time for taking care of your health, right? Elevate your why and a plan how to get to fulfill it to that kind of a priority and watch tremendous growth start right before your eyes.

Ralf

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