Ralf Weiser's Blog – Shake Up Your Snow Globe! ©

Stop doing, shake your globe, ponder, dream, start reaching your full potential – live on purpose and do it with a smile!

Archive for the tag “being a good teacher”

How does one sense someone’s power and gravitas?


How does one sense someone’s power and gravitas? 

Photo credit: Pablo by Buffer

Just very recently I got a call from a good friend of mine. We talked about the things we would like to achieve next – our life goals. I was not so sure that could pull it off when she shared with me that she thought that I could do anything I would set my mind to: “The very first time I met you, I could sense that you have an unbelievable power and force.” For starters, I was very thankful for her kicking me in the side for doubting myself. After all, believing in yourself and realizing your full potential is what I believe in and it is something that I am trying to let others ponder too.

More profound though, I was taken aback about the mere fact that someone could sense power and / or force. Huh? How in the world does this work? I thought about the many people I am blessed to meet. Very often I can sense that there is something special about them. I catch myself thinking that I should really make an effort to paying attention to what they have got to say. There may be a certain calmness and competency that “oozes” out of them. They may share a sense of substance and competence without as much as saying a word.

So here is the puzzler part for you: How do you tell that someone has these powerful attributes? Is there something physical that you can pick up on? Is it something they say? Is it how they say it? What makes you want to hang out with them? What are the non-verbal clues that you can sense? More importantly, how can you tap into this unseen power as well?

Ralf

Discover 1 way of looking at fighting with cancer


Discover 1 way of looking at fighting with cancer 

Yet another good friend of mine is fighting with a serious form of cancer. A co-worker’s mom lost her battle a few weeks ago. Why would you go on living? Life can be such a lemon. I am sure that any of you have similar issues to deal with. The outlook is outright bleak in terms of the odds getting cancer throughout your lifetime. What do you do when fate is handing you such a big lemon?

The question of quality of life will come up eventually. Friends and family will think about it. Whoever is affected by this terrible disease will think about it. Some might even openly discuss it. Why would you go on suffering? When is enough, enough? When will hope finally let you down?

Yes, there is a lot of suffering, but there is an awful lot of living too. It may be the blessing of the long good-bye, and then again you may end up getting cured. Let hope go last. In the meantime there are an awful lot of people who depend on you, they suffer and laugh with you, and they will look up to you.

Then consider all the things that are truly important to you. How much of the must-do list are checked off? How about that wedding or the grand child you wanted to greet upon arrival? Is that not worth living and suffering for?

The initial chaos of any bad diagnosis will soon give way to new routines and your new “normalcy”. That will also include humor and laughter.

Pick up a bag of sugar and start making lemonade of the lemons life puts in your way. You can only make a difference when you are here with us. That is the legacy that you can leave behind, which will be eternal. Here is to making it through another day.

Ralf

1 way how to turn a bad conversation into a positive one


1 way how to turn a bad conversation into a positive one 

Most conversations go awry when one person starts to use an accusatory tone. This can sound like this: “You always ignore me”, “You never consider my opinion”, or “Can you ever plan ahead?”

This kind of lingo can start a downward spiral of events. For one using “you” in this context typically is like poking your finger in the other person’s chest. Always, never, ever, etc, are rather strong words and most likely were not meant literally. Once offended the other person may start fighting back. And why not? After all, “always”, “never”, “ever” are very rarely true in the literal sense. The moment the other person also starts throwing similar sentences the other way, a battle of the minds will typically ensue. Even worse are those people of us who say such things to intentionally hurt and drawing pleasure from putting their friends, family, co-workers, employees, etc. down.

So, how can you turn this situation around? A way out is using the expression of feelings rather than using accusatory statements. If you can express how certain behaviors hurt you and how they make you feel, it is typically much easier for the other party to understand what has led to the issue in the first place. Also, the other person’s mental shutters and personal defense system are not engaged and a much more sincere and genuine conversation can happen.

So what could the sentences above sound like? Let’s try this: “When you do not pay attention to me while I am speaking with you makes me feel sad and undervalued.”, “Sometimes I feel like my opinion is not valued at all; it makes me feel ignored”, “Whenever you do not plan ahead I feel like you do not value my time and my day ends up in chaos”.

See the difference? Emphasis lies in expression how a certain behavior makes you feel and how it affects you. This is the way how to keep the conversation at a really professional and factual level. It does not offend and is not intended to make you get even with the other person. A much more fruitful discussion can result. Have fun trying it out.

Ralf

If the broom fits, ride it, or how to avoid getting baited


If the broom fits, ride it, or how to avoid getting baited 

This is a close cousin of “if the shoe fits, wear it”. It’s a phrase related to people who cannot take personal criticism without taking it personally. All it usually takes is an off comment by a colleague at work, or a snide comment in a social setting. Boom and this person goes off. Sometimes directly at the person who made the comment and most of the time these folks use it to gossip. Here is something to consider:

If you complain and whine about it then there may be something to the comment and you need not complain about it because you just validated the point of the statement to be true or at least possible.

Avoiding this uneasy commentary can be difficult mostly because of one reason. This can happen when you start taking things too literally and seriously. In other words your ego is high-jacking your rational thought. Do not let this happen to you. Turn this saying around: If the broom does not fit, well, then don’t ride it! It is perfectly ok not to dignify criticism with a response. Give yourself some time to think about it and how you want to react to it.

Ralf

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