Ralf Weiser's Blog – Shake Up Your Snow Globe! ©

Stop doing, shake your globe, ponder, dream, start reaching your full potential – live on purpose and do it with a smile!

One strategy to affect change in people


One strategy to affect change in people Smaller FB

Another close relative of candor is tolerance. It is not necessarily the polar opposite, but in fact it can be worse as tolerance comes close to indifference. Tolerating a pattern of performance issues, incompetence and a pattern of mistakes will only get you and the other party into trouble. Yes, you will have to put some will power into being honest with yourself and then others. The benefits outweigh the disadvantages almost all the time. The moment you put it out there what you would like to see, people will naturally change on their own in order to help you. If the pattern still continues you now know that you must make tougher choices: Do you need to change yourself or is it time to abandon your current relationship? Thinking and acting upon your choices will bring peace of mind.

Take some typical examples from work. You have a co-worker that annoys you with his loud telephone conversations. You could just leave it be, complain to others about this and finally just be miserable about it. On the other hand, you could choose to speak with the colleague and tell him how you feel and ask if he could possible do something about this.

Here is a tip how to bring your issue up with others: First and foremost you need to have a plan what and how you wish for change to occur. Why is a plan important? You need to keep the meeting with your other party as constructive and factual as possible. Confrontation is not the way to go as you pull feeling and emotion into the discussion, which can put everybody’s brain into flight or fight mode. That would not be good. Identify the issue and think about what would happen if nothing changes.
Write it down and share this thought with your counterpart during the meeting. Now think really hard about what the change look like that you are asking about. Voice your desired outcome in the meeting.

Life is all about the choices you make. Choose speaking about this and affect a change even if it is hard at first to make the start. Remember that you will be feeling better about yourself when you make the choice to not tolerate things that upset you. Are you ready to make some tough choices? Where can you make a start that you can experiment with this?

Ralf

Removing our mental blind spot is a lot simpler than you think


Removing our mental blind spot is a lot simpler than you think 

MeYouWe live in a very contentious time when we have many a conflict at work and home as our opinions clash. Very often we find ourselves looking at virtually the same thing and yet we reach different conclusions. What if are just not considering the other view point enough?

Have you ever stood behind or next a person who Is looking into a mirror? Well, the difference looks about what the included pictures represent. The one on the left is how YOU see ME. The one on the left is how I see MYSELF. Pay attention to the facial features. How I see myself is not at all what you see when you look at me – it is the same face though! Do you also know people that stress out about their outward appearance? They are coifing up someone that only they can see that particular way.

My point is merely that between the reality you see and the one I see there is a difference just the way how we get to experience it through our own eyes. With a mirror image that may even be relatively simple, but just think of so many other topics where we will most likely never be able to come to an agreement about what the ultimate truth is. Between two viewpoints there is what I call the delta point; it lies somewhere between the two. It can almost never be the same just the same as our life journeys are unique to us. “All” you need to do in this situation is to at least listen to the other viewpoint. Ideally you will be able to create a mutually discovered new point of view, or you simply agree to disagree. I if you cannot do that think about the mirror view example and leave it be.

The worst you can do is to put up your blind spot again by actively disengaging from any dialog. Share the example and perhaps this can be another great day where ignorance can be overcome.

Ralf

The grass is greener on the other side – or is it?


The grass is greener on the other side – or is it? envy

Photo credit: https://angieklong.wordpress.com/tag/is-the-grass-always-greener-on-the-other-side/

Many things we love to complain about actually have us stand on the green side of the fence. Take a driver’s license for instance. In Pennsylvania a learner’s permit will cost you around $35. Taking the test and getting a license is still very affordable. Sure, you need a car with insurance (hopefully) and a parent who is willing training the young one how to drive. In fact here it is the insurance amount that draws complaints like crazy. Rightfully so but before you complain look around for a little contrast.

Compare this to Germany for instance. When I got my driver’s license it cost around $1600 for my car and motorcycle license. Yes, you read this absolutely correctly. Back then you had to have successfully driven 12 lessons at $35 each before you could even take the practical test. For about 8 weeks you had to take theoretical lessons as well for being able to take the questionnaire. Today’s price has risen to above $2000. Crazy, huh?

While on one hand you would not want to be untrained driving on the Autobahn, the price is pretty steep for the privilege of driving like only flying is nicer. How do you feel about the hassle on this side of the Atlantic getting the young folks a driver’s license now? Sometimes we feel like complaining about everything when in fact our lives are much better than you may think (most Europeans pay around twice as much for gas).

Ralf

Giving thanks


Giving thanks Smaller FB

This is one of those holidays that make a lot of people very reflective. Have you taken the time pondering this question a little bit? No matter how hard life’s left hook hits you sometimes, there are quite a few things that happen to you that are actually really cool. So what are you thankful for?

For me it makes me think of my first Thanksgiving in the U.S.A. – and Phyllis. That was 1989, the year I arrived at Philly from Germany for what I thought would only be for a 3 year adventure. Phyllis was a friend of a friend who knew a friend of mine at the company I still work for today. A recent divorcee, she rented a room of her little condo to me. I was thankful for having a place to stay. The room was big enough that the only thing I had to my name were 2 suitcases full of clothes that did not even make a dent in the room’s closets.

New to country and language I knew no one. She was so warm hearted and explained a lot of colloquialisms and also taught me everything from laundry to going grocery shopping. I had been in the country only for a few months when the Phyllis asked me if I wanted to stick around with her family for the Thanksgiving holiday. I had to ask her what we will be thankful for and what the holiday was all about. She tried explaining this to me as best as she could.

Little did that prepare me for that great cold Thursday in the fall of 1989. I was astounded how many family members and friends showed up. Two big tables were moved together and everyone helped in preparing the food and table for the feast. Then I saw my first turkey. Wow! I had never seen anything like it. When all the food was set on the table I thought to myself that there was enough for a whole football team to show up and still have enough food for everyone.

After saying Grace her family and friends asked me all kinds of questions as to where I was from and what I was doing here in the States. They did not know it, but I was so humbled by that. At that time, Germans were still not all that welcome in various areas in Europe and people there would avoid you and actually make a point to exclude you. Here a former foe was sitting amongst folks whose relatives most likely had fought mine in one or both world wars. Instead of hostility I received nothing but warmth, inclusion, and most of all a genuine interest in a total stranger!

That marked the beginning of me falling in love with our great country and its people. Who I am is due to my German upbringing, education, and of course my family and friends back there. Who I can be I owe to America. I am eternally grateful and thankful to this country, its people, and also of you Phyllis wherever you may be today. Thank you Phyllis!

Do you have people like my Phyllis? Did they change your life? Do they know they did that for you? If not, please pick up the phone or otherwise get in touch with them. Happy Thanksgiving folks.

Ralf

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